Death can be an uncomfortable subject, but there’s a growing movement to acknowledge death as part of life. This week (Tuesday, December 3), Rita Trumbo and Nancy Finkle from East Bay End-Of-Life Doula Network will be at the Montclair Library to discuss topics ranging from planning the practicalities to arranging culturally and individually relevant emotional support for the dying, their supporters and loved ones before, during and after death.
Here are ten books – from the practical to the poignant – that explore various aspects of death and its details:
In the thoughtful and tenderly illustrated How to Say Goodbye: The Wisdom of Hospice Caregivers (616.02901 MacNAUGHT), Wendy MacNaughton chronicles the lessons she learned during her time as artist-in-residence at the Zen Hospice Project Guest House. “Using a framework of ‘the five things’ taught to her by a professional caregiver, How to Say Goodbye provides a model for having conversations of love, respect, and closure” – “a simple, visual offering on how to be present with our loved ones at the end of their lives,” in McNaughton’s words.
The Art of Dying Well: A Practical Guide to a Good End of Life (616.029 BUTLER) by Katy Butler provides a “down-to-earth manual for living, aging, and dying with meaning and even joy.”
From Here to Eternity: Traveling the World to Find the Good Death by Caitlin Doughty (363.75 DOUGHTY) describes death customs and rituals from around the world, exploring how they compare to the American funeral industrial complex and how mourners respond best when they participate in caring for the deceased.
Advice for Future Corpses and Those Who Love Them: A Practical Perspective on Death and Dying by Sallie Tisdale is a “straightforward, wise, and humorous narrative field guide for both the dying and those who love them by an author who brings a unique set of qualifications to this delicate subject—she’s a Pushcart Prize-winning writer, a palliative care nurse with more than ten years of experience, and a lifelong Buddhist.”
The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnusson (648.5 MAGNUSSON): Leave it to the ever-pragmatic Swedes to come up with the concept of döstädning (literally, “death cleaning”), sorting through and disposing of many of your possessions when you reach old age to save your loved ones the trouble after your death. Magnusson “introduces an element of fun to a potentially daunting task. Along the way readers get a glimpse into her life in Sweden, and also become more comfortable with the idea of letting go.”
In Case You Get Hit by a Bus: How to Organize Your Life Now for When You’re Not Around Later by Abby Schneiderman, Adam Seifer and Gene Newman: This easy-to-follow book breaks down the task of organizing our on- and off-line details -from granting access to passwords to creating a manual for the systems in your home- so our loved ones won’t have to scramble later.
Lastly, for eloquent perspectives from those left behind, check out Notes on Grief by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, a deeply personal account of the loss of her father; The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion (813.54 DIDION), in which Didion chronicles her daughter’s illness, her husband’s death and her own experiences with grief and memory with her typical lyrical, unflinching prose; The Best of Us: A Memoir by Joyce Maynard (BIO MAYNARD), in which local favorite Maynard explores what the nineteen months her partner battled pancreatic cancer taught her about love and partnership; and The Long Goodbye by Meghan O’Rourke (BIO O’ROURKE), an “eloquent, somber memoir about the death of her mother and grieving aftermath,” pondering “the eternal human question: how do we live with the knowledge that we will one day die?”.
Friends of Montclair Library 